You say impossible. The past is the past and can’t be changed. Hold on and let me walk you along how you can change your emotions about your past, and impact your present and future as a result!

Naturally, the person you are now is the manifestation of all your past life experiences. Here, we’ll challenge that a bit to dig in and see EXACTLY what it means to be shaped by your past and how you can re-frame your feelings to be more empowered today.

Starting with this post, and with several more to follow, we will go through the steps of writing a life timeline together. In the process, you’ll discover new clarity about the past and renew your focus in the present—and re-energize your vision for the future.

THE STORY YOU TELL YOURSELF

How much of what you tell yourself (the ongoing stories you cycle about relationships, success, failure, and so on) are knee-jerk stories you’ve created BECAUSE of how you feel about your past?

Now, if that doesn’t freak you slightly, hold on. Let’s see if I can get you where we’re going with this. Right off, you can probably pick out at least a couple of life experiences that led you to hold certain beliefs about parenting or adulthood, for example.

But have you considered how each of those past experiences and resulting beliefs shaped future choices and life experiences? By creating this timeline, the goal will be to help you identify the subconscious stories that you cycle through.

GAP VERSUS GAIN

In the article “How to Rewrite Your Past Narrative” by Benjamin Hardy Ph.D. over at Psychology Today, he speaks of our natural tendency to see what is lacking (“the gap”) rather than the gain of every life experience. We attach meaning based on the feelings we experience when we focus on that gap.

Interestingly, the gap applies to our past and also to the goals we set. We see how we fall short rather than how much we gain in striving to achieve at all.

Through a process developed by Dan Sullivan, Hardy suggests we can re-frame our feelings of the past and reshape the meaning of the story of our history. By re-framing your past, you can stop being a victim of your story and become the victor instead.

The full article is an informative read. The five steps Hardy suggests for conducting an exercise of re-framing past events would be useful once you identify your pivotal events, which we will do in the next step.

I riffed on this concept in a Pecha Kucha event in Des Moines a few years ago.

A timeline is a visual, an infographic if you will, of your past, so that you can draw new and meaningful realizations about your story and your power to move forward.

PHASE ONE: IDENTIFY PIVOTAL EVENTS OF YOUR PAST

For the remainder of the steps to create your timeline, I’ll be referencing the work of Athena Staik, Ph.D., and her piece titled “How to Create a Timeline: The Power of Re-working Your Life’s Story” as we work together to get your timeline on paper.

To begin, with pen and paper, take some time to consider the most pivotal events of your past. Staik suggests that the average person can identify roughly one major life event every other year. So, for me, this would tally to about 30 events. As I created my list, I ticked off roughly 50 items that I feel were significant, so no worries if there are more.

Once you’ve listed these events, note roughly the age you were when they occurred and whether you consider each to be a positive or negative event.

WHAT THEMES EMERGE FROM YOUR PIVOTAL EVENTS?

As I review my list of events, I note that it was favoring a number of incidents from when I was young. It seems alarming that I still have more memories and life events related to childhood, given I’m nearly 60 years old.

My family was a disjointed one with my mother moving and marrying often. I was an only child, and so with time, I’ve lost many of the details of my childhood. But what I do remember of those early years shaped me significantly for the first half of my adult life.

I think the theme I see now is that I remained naïve well into my 30s even though the evidence I gained from life experience told me my childish notions were inaccurate.

Thankfully, I’ve evolved now look back on the past without bitterness. I now see how those immature ideas influenced my notions of being a grownup, feeling a sense of confidence, ideals about work, and self-worth.

Now it’s your turn. As you review your list of pivotal events, what theme stands out to you? More than one? In the next post, we’ll walk through turning these events into an image and assess the level and impacts of each.

Thanks for joining me. Were you surprised by the theme or connection you found between your pivotal events?

Interested in telling and hearing stories with friends and family? Check out our Tell Me Another storytellers game over at Storied Gifts Shop.

Sherry is the founder of Storied Gifts a personal publishing service of family and company histories. She and her team help clients curate and craft their stories into books. When not writing or interviewing, Sherry spends loads of time with her grandchildren and lives in Des Moines, Iowa.

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