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At age 6, I was given a book titled “A Book About You,” and inside were illustrations and questions designed to prompt my answers. How many windows are in your house? How many rooms? How many books? Draw a portrait of yourself.

I completed the pages, and remarkably kept the book throughout the moves and transitions of life. Nearly 60 years later my 6-year-old granddaughter picked it up and went through answering the questions herself. The book came full circle.

And, almost like that childhood self, I frequently get stuck in the notion that “self” (or the “essence” or “core” of me) really is some static entity—with specific rooms and windows all its own, as though we were really a structure of definable things more than a fluid manifestation of our experiences and growth. Today, even though I’ve got plenty of evidence and experience that proves otherwise, I’ve still held on to that idea subconsciously: that life is a quest to “know” your true self before time runs out.

THE MOVING TARGET OF “SELF”

A little internet research reminded me that the “solid” entity theory isn’t a terribly helpful model, and that thinking of self as this unyielding structure won’t satisfy the pursuit to understand your ways.

Over at Scientific American in an article titled “10 Things You Don’t Know About Yourself,” Steve Ayan walks through points that illustrate how humans move with blinders on when it comes to self and our perception of it. We each have a distorted view of who we are with no idea of how our subconscious motivates our actions.

When it comes to how we “see” ourselves, we either think too much of our talents or suspect we are not worthy at all. Ayan suggests, in fact, that if we want a more reliable view, we find more illumination in how others see us.

I’ll admit—by the end of reading Ayan’s article, I felt depressed about the general state of being human. It seems we are just as complex as we are clueless. However, Ayan finishes on a high note suggesting that it’s also our distorted view of self that helps us adapt quickly and function in the world.

Perhaps a more hopeful model is the one presented by Julian Baggini, journalist and philosopher, who offers up his philosophy in the Ted Talk, “Is there a real you?” He makes the case that you have a “self,” which isn’t static, but a composite of everything and everyone that has come into your life.

We know in nature that all mass is a collection of gasses and energy, for example. Water is comprised of hydrogen and oxygen. And without those gasses there would not be a water molecule. Each of us are the same: a human identity that is the culmination of experiences. And since you are always adding on to that collection, you are always changing who you are.

MY 6 THINGS I KNOW ABOUT MYSELF:

Be sure you do this exercise, too.

All of this leads up to the question and the challenge I’m giving you here today. Answer: what are 6 things you know about yourself right now? I took a stab at the question, too, and here are my answers:

1. I am loving and supportive. I want to do for others, especially those closest to me, once I know what I can do. I get very stressed and can even mess things up, though, if I don’t know what is expected or how I can help.

2. I yearn to do good work. I’m always aiming to create something that makes me proud of my skills and talents. Money and lots of accolades are not as important as my belief that what I produce is of value.

3. I have a very expressive face. As part of the work of producing content I’ve learned my face contorts every which way when I speak.

4. I can be fearful. I don’t like it and work to change it, but I sometimes operate based on fear and get defensive or think small as a consequence.

5. I try. Even though I fail quite often, I’m always willing to try again.

6. I am curious and excited to learn. There is plenty of stuff I don’t understand, but I enjoy noodling—even over the super small curiosities that pop up in my day-to-day.

What’s on your list? And what is the value in trying to “see” who you are in the moment? The exercise of introspection can provide not only clarity, but help you consider where you want to go from here (and where you can be satisfied, too).

The good news is that, even though being human is a messy business when it comes to personal awareness, it is a worthy adventure. You are fluid and capable of change—and who you will be is what you decide to create.  

photo credit Photo by Patrick Schneider on Unsplash

Postscript: One comfort is a clean space. If you need help getting going on organizing your home check out Get Organized Gal’s courses for support.

I used her course to organize my office, and it is in pretty good shape these days. Success in one space has lead to cleaning channels to other rooms and photos as well. Check out he courses here.

Sherry is the founder of Storied Gifts a personal publishing service of family and company histories. She and her team help clients curate and craft their stories into books. When not writing or interviewing, Sherry spends loads of time with her grandchildren and lives in Des Moines, Iowa.

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