How Remembering Can Boost Your Health
Looking back with reflection can help you in the present and in the future
Disclosure: There are some affiliate links below, and I may receive commissions for purchase made through the links in the post. However, these are products I highly recommend. I won’t list anything I haven’t tried and found personally useful.
Once upon a time, sometime in the 1940s, there was a woman who was young, married and had a child. But things went sour, and there was a bitter divorce. The father of the child asserted that the woman could not care for her child and would only settle for full custody. She saw no immediate solution in her future and conceded to walk away.
The woman went on to have a life, another marriage, children, and a career. But she never forgot her first daughter. She wondered about her first child’s life constantly and if she’d done the right thing. She was haunted by the decision she made nearly 60 years before.
When I met her, she was nearly 80 years old. She wanted to record her life stories in a book for her children and grandchildren. Throughout several interviews, she told her stories out loud as I witnessed and encouraged her.
As she spoke, the stories were given fresh shape and weight for her. Memories that had not been visited for decades were now viewed in a new light. Toward the end of the interviews, she saw her stories with greater perspective through a wiser prism.
During one session, she said, “You know, given who I was at the time, I couldn’t have made any other choice.” It was a moment of healing, and at that time, I found my own truest purpose: discovering the power of intentional listening. My mission for creating life story books and supporting reminiscence therapy (RT) was born.
In all the project work that I do, the most exciting piece is helping others find their way to understanding their past.
No matter how many or how few years you’ve gathered: revisiting, and deciphering your stories is an important process. Only by evaluating your past and prompting reflection can you make real sense of your present and future.
The value of memories is not what we remember but how we decipher meaning from the past.
REMINISCENCE THERAPY PROCESS
Fast forward more than a decade later, and RT still comes naturally with my clients and is an essential part of my work. It’s been especially helpful for some of my older clients who have experienced significant isolation during the pandemic that began in 2020. Regular RT has given them support, connection, and an improved sense of wellbeing.
But you needn’t be an elder to benefit from RT. We all can feel alone and at odds with our life journey and purpose. Talking aloud to someone or journaling your stories and reflection offers an ideal launch for conducting RT. Or call it a life review.
Over at Psychology Today, the article What do you remember from your past?, highlights an easy step-by-step RT guide. Think of your memories like a movie and play forward for what appears as you float in your recollections.
Consider any of the following questions after you’ve pinpointed a list of memories.
What do you remember?
Do you think those memories are important or significant?
What did that memory tell you about yourself and others at the time?
Are those conclusions from the story still true for you today?
Explore sensory elements of your experience, including smells, tastes, and sounds. Use triggers to assist you, such as photographs and prompt memory questions. Music is a well-documented trigger, too.
The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be. Marcel Pagnol
BENEFITS OF REMEMBERING
Finding meaning in your life and the drivers of your choices through RT can give you insights to keep what works and change what doesn’t. Other RT benefits include:
Connection: Although the details of stories can differ from person to person and change over time, we share universally in the feelings our experiences generate. From rage to exuberance, sorrow to joy, we are all human and can relate to these moments in our lives. Particularly in times of awe, we can be humbled through a story to recognize our smallness in the world and our connectedness to the larger whole.
Personal Identity: When you review your life stories from a distance, you take a bird’s eye view of your past and some of what you’ve learned along the way. This reflection helps you see yourself on the continuum of your lifetime, who you’ve been, and who you are today. With an objective anchor view of the past, you can see your potential going forward.
Solve Problems: Even though it often doesn’t seem possible at the time, our struggles provide insights to help our future selves. By examining the past, you find solutions to help solve immediate problems. And we can also take solace in our past resilience and grit, giving us an extra push of resolve in the present.
IT’S YOUR LIFE
I’m charmed by the series on Netflix called Modern Love and remember a pertinent line from the second season, the second episode, where one character speaks about what it is to be in a relationship. He says, “We choose to live with another person’s reality.”
In the bigger picture, we share the world with humanity and all those other realities. It’s important not to let the noise of all the different versions around you overshadow taking time to understand your own.
Postscript: When things seem out of control like it feels these days, acting where we have control is a comfort. Cleaning up your stuff is within your power! If you need help getting going on organizing your home check out Get Organized Gal’s courses for support.
I used her course to organize my office, and it is in pretty good shape these days. Success in one space has lead to cleaning channels to other rooms and photos as well. Check out he courses here.
Sherry and Alexandra Borzo together in Lima, Peru
Sherry is the founder of Storied Gifts a personal publishing service of family and company histories. She and her team help clients curate and craft their stories into books. When not writing or interviewing, Sherry spends loads of time with her grandchildren and lives in Des Moines, Iowa.
STORIED GIFTS SHOP
Need a beautiful infusion of inspiration for your storied life? Please check out the Storied Gifts Shop where the theme is Words of Encouragement.
The shop is a mother and daughter venture for Sherry and Alexandra Borzo of Content In Motion. They both work to help their client's stories sing. The shop is their effort to inspire a focus on healthy minds for everyone through positive thought.
LET’S BE FRIENDS
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