The ONE Question to Ask Your Inner Voice

Making time for you to meditate

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To say I was sideswiped is an understatement. It was the day before I expected to hear back from a client about the draft of their company story I’d submitted for review. After a few months of interviews, correspondence, hours of writing, and rounds of feedback, I delivered what I believed to be a solid narrative that truly captured the spirit of their business.

Based on conversations with some of the interviewees, I knew that commitment to the history project varied across the board. Still, I felt confident in my work and our direction. I was sure we’d soon be moving into the book design and layout phase, especially given the tight seven-month turnaround they had initially requested.

Then the email came.

The board had decided that the narrative would require significantly more editing and development, and they no longer wanted to proceed. They thanked me for my effort, which offered little comfort. I was stunned—gutted, really.

In my reply, I wrote that the news was devastating and wished them the best of luck. Then I stood up and walked around in a daze, muttering and spiraling over what I could have missed or misunderstood. Had I miscommunicated the process? Failed to clarify what I’d deliver? Misread their expectations?

Admittedly, I dipped into an emotional abyss. That’s when I decided—perhaps unwisely—to make a list of every time I’d been fired or felt like a failure, hoping to identify some flaw in my character that might explain this loss. Things went south from there.

We are harder on ourselves than anyone else.

Step Back When Self-talk Gets Dark

Oddly, I told myself that looking back and listing losses wasn’t an act of self-flagellation—it was growth. After all, I meditate now. I’m in my 60s. I’m supposed to be self-actualized. Surely adversity can’t send me into a fetal position anymore… right?

However, I quickly realized the flaw in this approach. My list of perceived failures was inconsistent in cause and context—some were due to my actions, others entirely out of my control. And yet, as I spiraled, my inner critic grew louder, and the list of failures grew longer and more emotionally charged.

That’s when I caught myself. I realized my perspective had become wildly lopsided. I wasn’t reviewing the past; I was indicting myself. I was ignoring all the wins, the growth, the lessons that had helped me get where I am.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to never stop questioning. Albert Einstein

What Do We Learn From the Past?

If you’ve heard the phrase, “You are what you eat,” then, aside from the fact that I might be made of Ho Hos and Ding Dongs from my youth, the principle serves as a useful metaphor for life as well.

We are made up of our experiences. Each one—whether a feast or famine—has contributed to who we are today. Some memories are vivid and formative; others fade into the background. But all of them matter.

The primary point of revisiting the past is to place it in context. The past has shaped you, but it doesn’t define you. To benefit from reflecting on your life story, you must do so with curiosity—not judgment. The past is a collection of puzzle pieces that, when examined without blame, can illuminate who you are and what you want now.

The One Question to Ask When Your Inner Voice Turns Negative

In my moment of despair, I let the negative voice take over—a bad habit I thought I’d left behind. But once I recognized its return, I paused. I had the presence of mind to ask it one question that always shifts the tone of inner chatter:

“What did you learn from that experience?”

That question was a turning point. Instead of spiraling into blame and shame, I grounded myself in reflection. What I learned from this recent experience is that even when I bring my best skills and intentions, outcomes are not always within my control. But I also learned the importance of identifying all decision-makers upfront and ensuring that expectations are aligned across the board. That’s a powerful takeaway I can apply moving forward.

This same question—What did you learn from that experience?—applies to all life events, not just the painful ones. If you’re inclined to list your past milestones, include a sentence or two about what each one taught you. Even the failures are likely rich with multiple lessons that have shaped your resilience and wisdom.

This isn’t about sugarcoating the past. It’s about reframing it productively. Of course, if you could redo some things, you’d likely make different choices. But that’s the point—you’ve grown. You’ve changed. When you view your life through the lens of lessons learned, you realize just how much knowledge and insight you’ve gained.

You’re richer than you know.

If you want to dive into your past we have a FREE interactive timeline tool to help you get started. Check out the download here.

Sherry and Alexandra Borzo together in Lima, Peru

Sherry is the founder of Storied Gifts a personal publishing service of family and company histories. She and her team help clients curate and craft their stories into books. When not writing or interviewing, Sherry spends loads of time with her grandchildren and lives in Des Moines, Iowa.

STORIED GIFTS SHOP

Need a beautiful infusion of inspiration for your storied life? Please check out the Storied Gifts Shop where the theme is Words of Encouragement.

The shop is a mother and daughter venture for Sherry and Alexandra Borzo of Content In Motion. They both work to help their client's stories sing. The shop is their effort to inspire a focus on healthy minds for everyone through positive thought.