20 Essential Questions for Mom That Will Benefit You Both

Better than flowers, the gift of your time with these 20 questions

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In the U.S., Mother’s Day began with the best of intentions when Anna Jarvis petitioned to make it a holiday in 1908. She succeeded in 1914, and Mother’s Day was officially recognized marked on the calendar, where it has remained there ever since.

Interestingly, Jarvis later denounced the holiday for becoming overly commercialized after greeting card companies, florists, and candy manufacturers got in the mix. However, the desire to honor our mothers is still with us. If you’ve ever come to a Mother’s Day in May (surprise!), where you had to rush to do something last minute, then take heart. Here we offer you the perfect gift for Mom that gives her what she wants most: time with you.

Your Mom the Woman

In the Albert Brooks movie Mother, there is a scene when Brook’s character realizes his mother has a whole other life that has nothing to do with him. In that moment, he sees the woman who raised him as not only his mother but a person, too.

His mother, played by veteran actress Debbie Reynolds, had a past and a present that didn’t revolve around her adult son. In that revelation, Brooks has an epiphany about personal responsibility for his life and his future.

It’s a great movie and I identify with the moment for Brook’s character because I remember when I “saw” my mother as a person first, rather than as my mom. It’s a view that comes with maturity, a benefit of aging.

For many, the source and fountain of their childhood rests with their parents, and in particular their mom. Understanding more about her past and thoughts will provide you insights into how she raised you.

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.

The Gift of Knowing Mom

So, if you’re ready to give your mom the gift of your time and interest, it is a good idea to provide her with a heads up so she can prepare. Let her know you’d like to chat with her about her memories and maybe even offer some questions ahead of time so she can think about them.

Make an event of your request for time. Ask her to sit down over a cup of coffee or glass of wine and let the conversation flow. Here are 20 excellent questions to spark conversation. Just one might do it!

1.       What is your earliest memory? Why do you think it is still with you?

2.       Describe your parents.

3.       What did your parents teach that you carried forward?

4.       What was important to you as a parent?

5.       Who was your best friend as a young person and why?

6.       What did you like about being a girl when you were young? How did that change as you grew older?

7.       What was something you strongly believed when you were young, that has changed over time?

8.       What did you like about yourself as a young girl? Did that remain or change?

9.       What did you plan for your life in terms of work? Family? Did you stick with plan A or has there been a B, C, and so on?

10.   What did you think being a mother would be like? Did the reality match up?

11.   When did you fall in love for the first time?

12.   How did you feel about your body when you were younger? How do you feel about it now?

13.   (If married) When and how did you meet Dad?

14.   If you could talk to your younger self, what would you tell her?

15.   What is one of your proudest accomplishments (besides me 😉)?

16.   Is growing older what you expected it to be? How is it different?

17.   What do you know for certain now?

18.   What is your favorite book? Why?

19.   What is your favorite movie and why?

20.   What is your idea of a perfect day?

Listen to Your Mom

If your mom has always made the most of her conversations with and about you, exploring your thoughts over the years or decades, then switching it up to listen to her can be a new experience. Your role as a listener will be to step outside of seeing you and her in the mother/child dynamic.

Allow her to speak; remain objective to what she tells you, and you’ll provide a gift that expands who you are, and who you are to each other. By interviewing your Mom, you’ll explore not just her past and yours, but improve your relationship, and become better friends.

For more questions for your parents check out the post 60 Family History Questions to Ask Your Parents.

Postscript: When things seem out of control like it feels these days, acting where we have control is a comfort. Cleaning up your stuff is within your power! If you need help getting going on organizing your home check out Get Organized Gal’s courses for support.

I used her course to organize my office, and it is in pretty good shape these days. Success in one space has lead to cleaning channels to other rooms and photos as well. Check out he courses here. 

Sherry and Alexandra Borzo together in Lima, Peru

Sherry is the founder of Storied Gifts a personal publishing service of family and company histories. She and her team help clients curate and craft their stories into books. When not writing or interviewing, Sherry spends loads of time with her grandchildren and lives in Des Moines, Iowa.

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