4 Reasons Life Storytelling with an Active Listener Helps You Live Better

Better than flowers, the gift of your time with these 20 questions

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I’ve been listening to Pete tell his life stories for almost a decade. Neither of us anticipated our work together would last this long when we started. But now, in his mid-90s, Pete looks forward to talking with me each week, and I genuinely enjoy listening.

Pete has proven – as have many clients – the most potent contribution of life storytelling goes beyond writing notes and organizing and scanning memorabilia to create heirloom books. There is healing in the interaction of telling life stories to an active listener.

When I started working as a personal historian, I quickly realized that for many people, a side benefit of our work creating personal history book was my witness and careful listening as they tell life stories.

The past couple of years of the pandemic lockdown proved especially valuable, where seniors were more isolated. The act of sharing life stories with an engaged listener offers benefits.

We are wired for stories. We are more likely to retain information through the structure of a story instead of a list of facts presented to us. We soak in stories, learning new lessons and amending what we understand about life, with the details weaved together.

Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self. Dean Jackson

The focus of my work has primarily been on the finished product, an heirloom family and personal history book. However, my clients have realized significant health benefits when telling life stories to a trusted audience. Today we highlight the top four benefits of life storytelling that are impactful at any age.

1.       Reaffirms life’s purpose: We each seek meaning for our existence—a driving sense of what we’re here for and what to do in life. Our purpose can change over time because our story is constantly evolving. Celebrating your accomplishments in your relationships, family life, and vocations—helps remind you of where you’ve been and what you want going forward.

2.       Confirms resilience: We have all suffered loss and gone through many transformations. Reflecting on those changes and telling stories of how we navigated the challenges in life reminds us we are resilient: we have gone through hard times and are still standing and can reflect on what we have seen and learned.

Never miss a good chance to shut up. Will Rogers

3.       Offers clarity: Have you recognized shifts in how you feel about a story of the past overtime? Maybe there was a transgression committed toward you that you thought you could not forgive, but your position on it has softened as you have matured. Or maybe there was a choice you made and long regretted, but you now see the issue and its impact through fresh eyes of wisdom.  

Time does heal. We grow older and see things differently as we live through life’s experiences. By reflecting on your life story through the lens of who you are now, you can gain clarity with your history and peace in your present.

4.       Form Connections: We tell our stories to connect with others. Although the details of our stories vary, there are underlying themes and feelings we can embrace and understand. When we tell a life story, we offer our experience, hoping others will relate. We learn from each other, develop empathy, and form bonds.

Listening is often the only thing needed to help someone.

The Gift of Life Storytelling to Someone Who Listens

After years of talking (unfortunately sometimes too much earlier on), I’ve learned that providing the gift of careful listening is most significant for others who share their life stories. A teller can realize startling connections in sharing their life stories to someone else who employs an encouraging ear. I’ve witnessed the healing, the clarity of thought and memory.

As a listener, I’ve seen individuals gain insights just from mulling over their memories and telling them aloud. I’ve witnessed eureka-like revelations occur at the moment when a person recalls a life story – slammed by a sudden new understanding. I’ve felt the goosebumps when someone sees their past in a new light.

Of course, you can give the gift of listening to those you know and love, or you can hire a professional personal historian to assist. Often, the outsider, a fresh set of ears with no baggage or expectation, can make an essential difference in life story listening.

A trained life history listener can listen and record without judgment, forming a sacred trust with the client. An objective life story listener lets the client pour out memories and ponder their past.

As a personal historian, I’m focused on the heirloom book as a project goal. However, my role as life story listener has proven vital, too. These days, my shingle is out to serve those who want a trusted set of ears for listening and recording life stories.

It may be that the goal is a book or similar project, but maybe the listening will turn out to be the main point instead. Who in your life would benefit from a life story listener?

Postscript: When things seem out of control like it feels these days, acting where we have control is a comfort. Cleaning up your stuff is within your power! If you need help getting going on organizing your home check out Get Organized Gal’s courses for support.

I used her course to organize my office, and it is in pretty good shape these days. Success in one space has lead to cleaning channels to other rooms and photos as well. Check out he courses here. 

Sherry and Alexandra Borzo together in Lima, Peru

Sherry is the founder of Storied Gifts a personal publishing service of family and company histories. She and her team help clients curate and craft their stories into books. When not writing or interviewing, Sherry spends loads of time with her grandchildren and lives in Des Moines, Iowa.

STORIED GIFTS SHOP

Need a beautiful infusion of inspiration for your storied life? Please check out the Storied Gifts Shop where the theme is Words of Encouragement.

The shop is a mother and daughter venture for Sherry and Alexandra Borzo of Content In Motion. They both work to help their client's stories sing. The shop is their effort to inspire a focus on healthy minds for everyone through positive thought.

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