How to Give and Receive Constructive Criticism
Why We Gossip and How to Curb it, Interview with Leah Ackerman
Disclosure: There are some affiliate links below, and I may receive commissions for purchase made through the links in the post. However, these are products I highly recommend. I won’t list anything I haven’t tried and found personally useful.
News alert: I’m not perfect. Of course, this isn’t news, but it makes the contradiction of receiving criticism an odd struggle. Each of us knows we are works in progress, yet having others point that out can still be a hard pill to swallow.
Call it constructive criticism, critique, or “gentle love,” we need to have an outside point of view to help us see ourselves with fresh eyes.
I began this episode of The Delicious Story with the premise that criticism is a push-pull concept, a necessary jab to the psyche.
With the help of a panel of women—experts in their businesses and professions—we dig beyond the narrow view of the need/pain paradigm. We discuss feedback as an essential skill set, both giving and receiving it, and how to maximize results.
The Panel of Experts
I proudly highlight successful women who generously share their wisdom in this show. Each comes with a varied background of experiences and brings compelling observations.
Tracey Kelley worked as a corporate manager and now provides writing services on a contract basis. In addition, she has also been a yoga instructor for more than a dozen years. Tracey toggles these areas—both at the organizational and individual instruction-level—where critique is essential.
Jennifer Phipps is a massage therapist who practices out of Des Moines, Iowa. She speaks particularly to building trust with her clients and minimizing chronic pain. Her work can only happen with candid feedback, which she invites.
Celest Rose came from a corporate background in coaching. In 2018 she started a business as a certified body confidence coach and recently earned certification in Integrated Sexuality. Celeste views the subject of criticism through the organizational lens that has evolved with an emphasis on intimate relationships.
Felicia Coe owns Cirque Wonderland Studios and Cirque Wonderland Entertainment. Her performers provide circus arts, aerial arts, acrobatics, and more. On the studio side, Cirque Wonderland teaches the many performance arts of her craft. Felicia works with clients who hire Cirque Wonderland Entertainment for their private and business events as an entertainment outlet. Feedback is essential for both of her business operations.
Clair Williams-Vavra came from the hospitality management field and used her expertise to segue to Sales Engagement Manger with startup QuickHire about two years ago. Harnessing statistical analysis systems and technology, she helps clients recruit and retain the right hires for their businesses. For Clair, feedback has got to be two-way to build trust within her team.
What is Constructive Criticism Anyway?
For many, the word criticism harbors only a negative association, as in being criticized – or berated – by someone. A quick internet search reports that the word critic came from the Greek word kritos which means to judge. Fast forward to the 20th century, criticism developed into a scholarly analysis, providing balanced judgment.
We think of negative criticism about you or your performance in something like a job review. But the definition of “constructive criticism “focuses on providing helpful guidance, supported by specific examples.
Strong leaders who want to encourage the best from their teams evaluate them based on their efforts and accomplishments first. And more than that, recognize the inherent skills of the individuals involved.
Ready to Give or Receive Feedback? Set the Mood
Still, there is this friction between giving instructive criticism that butts up against an individual’s willingness to accept it in the first place.
To get the full scope of the wisdom our TDS guests offer, take a listen to the podcast, or enjoy viewing the discussion in vodcast mode.
Here are some high points of our conversation:
· Go to “critique.” If you get bogged down in the word criticism, try another more friendly option. As per Shakespeare, it will smell just as sweet by any other name. Words such as feedback or critique may prove more palatable.
· Build a bridge of trust. Good leadership requires a level of trust between team members. Providing specific, actionable ideas will land better if the environment is collaborative and trusting. Encourage feedback that doesn’t just focus on the thing that needs change but invites specific actions to reach the goal.
· Embrace the positives. Trust that people within your organization have strengths they bring to the effort. In seeking to guide, consider the unique qualities of individuals and how to harness their way of learning and communicating.
· Check-in with yourself. Ground your feedback with a clear understanding of what you look to accomplish. Make it your goal to speak from a place of empathy, one that recognizes the dignity of the other individual as a priority.
How to Receive Constructive Criticism
You are evolving in who you are, and so is everyone else. With that humble mindset, look to feedback with objective curiosity. Here are a few points to consider.
· Keep your perspective. Take a bird’s eye view and be interested in the feedback you’re given. Think, “What can I learn here?”
· Consider the source. Be open to the sources you know and trust for feedback. If the feedback is delivered negatively, broaden your view to consider the messenger. Is there something you might find helpful even if the messenger delivers the feedback poorly, or can you let it go altogether?
· Note your strengths. Recognize and verbalize your strengths often to counter that insidious naysayer within. It’s so easy to believe the worst of ourselves, even when the feedback is positive.
When people take the time to offer feedback, most often, it’s because they believe we are capable of growth. That’s a good vibe worth harboring.
By viewing constructive criticism as an affirmation rather than degradation, you begin with the wind at your back. Go forth and observe. Do so gently and with the recognition that improvement never ends.
CTA: Get real and humble. We are in this together. Join the Humbly Human movement and wear it with pride.
Postscript: When things seem out of control like it feels these days, acting where we have control is a comfort. Cleaning up your stuff is within your power! If you need help getting going on organizing your home check out Get Organized Gal’s courses for support.
I used her course to organize my office, and it is in pretty good shape these days. Success in one space has lead to cleaning channels to other rooms and photos as well. Check out he courses here.
Sherry and Alexandra Borzo together in Lima, Peru
Sherry is the founder of Storied Gifts a personal publishing service of family and company histories. She and her team help clients curate and craft their stories into books. When not writing or interviewing, Sherry spends loads of time with her grandchildren and lives in Des Moines, Iowa.
STORIED GIFTS SHOP
Need a beautiful infusion of inspiration for your storied life? Please check out the Storied Gifts Shop where the theme is Words of Encouragement.
The shop is a mother and daughter venture for Sherry and Alexandra Borzo of Content In Motion. They both work to help their client's stories sing. The shop is their effort to inspire a focus on healthy minds for everyone through positive thought.
LET’S BE FRIENDS
Please like the Storied Gifts Facebook page. We offer tips and inspirations to help you tell your stories and live a storied life by harnessing your healthy mind through the power of the thoughts you choose.