Why Your Story Matters and You Need To Tell It
Your story matters. Decide how and who to tell it to.
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If Oprah Winfrey says something does that make it true? Certainly, a large segment of the public believes so. Over her impressive career as TV talk show host, actress and philanthropist, Oprah has rocked multiple media platforms to become the richest African American of the 20th century. What’s more, she is frequently cited as the most influential women of the world.
So, when Oprah said, “Everyone has a story and there is something to be learned from every experience,” there were many people ready to embrace the concept. Are you one of them? Whether you know you have a story worth telling or have doubts as to its value, explore the many ways and reasons that your story matters—and why you need to tell it.
WHAT IS THE “STORY” YOU TELL?
It’s a sad reality that, as a culture, we measure success by numbers: the number of likes, the size of the audience, the money generated. Of course, if you’re a business, then attention to growth metrics makes sense, but when it comes to telling life stories there is more value beyond counting how many of this or that.
In fact, as humans, we are all tethered to stories because they help us make sense of the world and of ourselves. Everything we learn we apply to the stories we already have warehoused in our memory. And in your bank of stories, the most critical ones are those you tell yourself.
Too often the stories we keep closest—the ones we repeat over-and-over again in our heads—are the negative ones. That’s our brain doing what it’s designed to do for our survival. If something is positive, it doesn’t need our attention because there is no danger. If, on the other hand, it’s bad, then we need to take notice and spend energy to resolve it.
The problem is that those negative stories we tell often don’t urge us into action. Instead, they churn in our heads and become the source of inaction and depression. Stories we harbor and repeat are a power are a force of self-persuasion. How can anyone really be hopeful or improve if they are locked in an old and incomplete story?
That’s the biggest-kept secret about some of the stories you keep close: none are the full story, because you are a work in progress. Over time, we turn the stories of our past into short synopses and highlight the “meaning” we’ve gleaned. We’re not exactly objective, though.
That’s where distortion often seeps in. For example, that story you tell yourself about a failed romance in your past becomes, “I’m not good at relationships.” Subconsciously you adopt this story as true and never vary from believing it.
In the study of narrative psychology, mental experts find that these untrue or partial stories can lead to mental and physical health issues. The static story we create may clash with reality or become the vicious internal voice and source of a self-fulfilling prophecy. We believe the story and therefore continue to act in a way that confirms the story.
Our stories are everything
WHY TELL YOUR STORY?
As funny as it sounds, the first reason to tell your stories is to make sure that, as the key person in your story, you do justice to who you are and who you can be. Over at TED-ED, an article points to studies that highlight how replacing a negative story with one that allows for growth can boost performance and improve mental health.
Take the example above where the story is “I’m not good at relationships.” Now give that story a positive forward-looking spin, like: “I can be good at relationships, but I’m struggling at the moment.” With this refresh, your story permits you to grow which, of course, you will.
One of the most common reasons people share stories is to connect with others. The circumstances of stories may vary but the underlying feelings are something everyone can understand. Loss, love, rage, and joy are relatable emotions. Through story we find we are similar to others and not alone.
Think about your closest friendships, those that have lasted over time. What makes the connection so tight? Often, it’s the link of shared experiences. When you know each other’s stories, the bonds can be thicker than blood.
It could be that you desire to tell your stories to offer hope and healing to others. It’s akin to saying, I’ve been through this experience and there may be insights to help someone else make it through, too. Often, this is the reason people write memoirs. They have lived through something and come out on the other side with discoveries they wish to share.
In families, people share stories to pass on a sense of identity, of shared bonds to something greater, and the concept of perseverance. We look to our ancestors to gain some sense of who we are and the circumstances that made our existence possible.
HOW YOU TELL YOUR STORY
Write your story: Professional writers and publishers may only be on the lookout for biographies of famous people, but there is still a place for everyone to share biographical life stories. I’m biased, of course, but I’ve seen the power of biographies for individuals and their families at work.
Bringing stories you’ve heard of the family together with your stories is a significant gift for your family that will be appreciated for years to come. Often, these types of life story books compile information and photographs that would otherwise be lost. And by incorporating a shared timeline of events, you help readers appreciate how they are part of something bigger.
We bond by the stories we share.
Memoirs are stories related to a particular event or theme. The writer who tells the story has come out on the other side changed and shines a descriptive light on their discovery. The focal point of memoir is the art of storytelling to a specific audience.
Books are not the only way to write and publish your work, either. Internet communities such as Narratively even social media platforms offer opportunities to writers to tell their stories. Look for writing groups in your area where you can join with others who are writing stories to help hold you accountable and find encouragement.
Tell your story:
Public storytelling has become a popular space in recent years thanks, in part, to programs such as StoryCorps, and The Moth. Part performance as well as storytelling, public opportunities offer storytellers a bit of a rush to put themselves out there for others to hear.
Want to feel that rush for yourself? Look for local storytelling groups in your area by searching meeting outlets, local libraries, and coffee shops.
If telling your story to an audience isn’t of interest, then telling your story to an “audience of one” in your journal is beneficial as well. Ask yourself questions and answer them in free flow journal entries that nobody but you will see. The “story” will come out, and your objective observations will be easier from a bird’s-eye view.
Numerous studies reveal that journaling has health benefits for both your mind and body, too. Think cites one study that demonstrated patients dealing with asthma and rheumatoid arthritis who journaled for 20 minutes per day found “significant objective improvement in their symptoms.”
The act of writing down your thoughts gets them outside of your head and onto the page where you can view them and assess them. Start with journal prompts or a guided journal to loosen your thoughts to write.
NOBODY CAN TELL YOUR STORY BUT YOU
No one wants to be reduced by the limits of their story by others. We don’t like being generalized as any one thing based on an outsider’s interpretation.
We want to be seen accurately, which is far more varied than anyone can give us credit for. We each are a composite of many stories, yet we’re the only ones who know all of those we’ve lived.
Your stories are most beneficial when told by the one who knows them best. Through telling your own story, you can either open them up to an audience who’ll relate, or reflect privately on the current state of your ongoing story.
Determine what your stories mean by telling and retelling them. Whether you tell them to an audience of many or just for yourself, see them as evolving, because so long as you’re breathing your story is unfolding.
Your stories are yours and can only be told from your point of view. So, “everyone has a story” was absolutely spot-on. Good job Oprah!
When it comes to reading self-improvement books, I can’t read fast enough to keep up but if I listen to books it is so much easier. Audible. is the way I can enjoy more books than I could manage to read. Plus, you can take in a book while doing other things which just makes you feel super-efficient, or lounge and listen. check out Audible to learn and enjoy books today.
Sherry and Alexandra Borzo together in Lima, Peru
Sherry is the founder of Storied Gifts a personal publishing service of family and company histories. She and her team help clients curate and craft their stories into books. When not writing or interviewing, Sherry spends loads of time with her grandchildren and lives in Des Moines, Iowa.
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The shop is a mother and daughter venture for Sherry and Alexandra Borzo of Content In Motion. They both work to help their client's stories sing. The shop is their effort to inspire a focus on healthy minds for everyone through positive thought.
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